my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
