we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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