Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
