i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
