if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
When are your genitals available?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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