you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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