i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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