it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.