I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.