It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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