my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she told me i tasted like america
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
