my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
NoShamevember. You game?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
