turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
