If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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