I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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