Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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