So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
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they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
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I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
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