1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
