dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
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