i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I don't deserve a penis
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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