Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize