I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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