so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
you made out with another girl for some wings
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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