rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
please come you make the beer taste better
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
