You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
