my mouth tastes like poor choices
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
