It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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