Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
