woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
