just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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