I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
