kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
