You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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