i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
