yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Send help, water and tortillas.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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