Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize