some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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