Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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