I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
