why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
