no, he came in my armpit
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
