If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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