Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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