dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
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Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
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My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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