I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
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