Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
