I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Fuck appropriateness.
so let's talk penis.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
