Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
