you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
