So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
