It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
