The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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