How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
