I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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