take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i think i just naturally attract stoners
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
