the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
