i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
