Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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