you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
