def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize