the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
