Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
