On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
