Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
This house was built for laser tag.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
