Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
How external is "for external use only"?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
