Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
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conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
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We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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