Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
