Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
