Swine flu. Run for my life!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
