Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
