I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
