There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
