apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
