I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
