Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
