fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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