I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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