I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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