YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
