on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
