Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
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