Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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