i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
