No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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