you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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