He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
