May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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