I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
