You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
