so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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