So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
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Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
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It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
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